Dear #ISIS: You are #uncivilized. Here are a few pointers on how to improve your tactics.

Dear ISIS:
You are uncivilized. Here are a few pointers on how to improve your tactics.

1. Don’t chop people’s heads off. Instead, sit in a nice geometrically shaped building (for cool effect) and press a button that kills off the entire village. Saves time and effort, and you clothes wont be covered in blood. Its the civilized way of doing it.

2. Don’t make home videos of your actions and post them online. That’s
amateur hour stuff. Go get a real producer. Make an entire movie out of the experience and show how the war was so difficult for your poor soldiers. Maybe even set up a PTSD fund for your traumatized jihadis and have everyone send you aid.

3. Don’t say “Allah Akbar” after you kill your victim. Say “God bless *insert the name of your country here*! Don’t do that scary Arabic thing. Appeal to the masses! Maybe get a song for your troops too! People love music!

4. black is a very scary color for your flag. It reminds people of pirates and funerals. Go for …. Red, white and blue for example! It totally reminds people of freedom, democracy and it has a secret power too … after years.. people will ACTUALLY FORGET that you are a colonial project that killed off the natives of that land! n for effect, slap on a star on that flag every time you conquer more territory. Its a nice .. point based reward system. Keeps you motivated.

5. if you want to torture people. Do everything except kill them. We are more than happy to lend you Getmo or Abu Gharib prison where you can live out all your fetishes and power cravings. Plus once its dead, your victim wont be fun to torture. Sadism trumps murder every time.

Do it our way. The civilized way.
Do I even need to sign it?

By : Alaa El-Mahrakawy @2laa_M


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